i think i just saved my name as edinburgh fringe fest. oop.
This is a request... ill make this blogg short, but i want to know how many other people get this 'thing' (my 'shrink' says it's called derealisation). i'm going to try and articulate it in a very small paragraph and try not to come across to you all as a complete nut job...
you walk around shops or towns or houses or flats and you feel disconnected, like youre to caught up in your own world and cant engage in this one, everyone gets this, i know at some point. But imagine yourself having a few cans of beer or wine or any alcohol, or a couple of shotties or a spliff, something that disconnects you and your stuck between the choices of whiteying, panicing thinking your going to throw up (maybe from taking too much or just being in the wrong frame of mind), well ignor what the physical side of this is, but think of the mental side, the fear of nothing, because in reality a giant mars bar isnt really chasing you down the street trying to eat you. i mean just pure panic, but not easy to tell at the beginning...
Okay attempt number two...
i will be walking, or sitting, or talking, or listening to music or anything and i get these overwhelming urges of something i have yet to articulate properly...sometimes i have to touch things to make sure they're real, and sometimes i have to hide away and shut myself off to everything because im on the verge of a panic attack...and the panics aren't about giant mars bars or a boogie man or are of anyone, they are about living, breathing, moving, listening, being human anything thats real really. Someone said to me when i tried to describe it.. 'so basically you feel as if you're introduced to reality for the first time' and to be honest that is the closest i can get.
this started happening when i was taken off tranquilisers and the build up of stress led to brief hullicinations and just pure panic, i think its caused by stress but im not stressed now, i am actually happy and i havent been on any drugs for about a year, i have a healthy balanced diet and only occasionally have a beer. so whats the answer
okay i think i've made a twat of myself, but if any one understands it then let me know, ive found one person that i know and love to have it and his is from trauma hes had it for at least 3 years longer than i have so i know im not the only one...i just want to know if anyone who doesnt know me...know what im on about.
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